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Understanding me

21 Jan

As people get older we usually begin to define ourselves, as I got older I lost myself thinking I was going in the right direction in life. From knowing what you want and how you want it to losing the voice in your mind that helps you calm your indecisive thoughts running through your head. I literally have him rock bottom with people. I can’t understand the concept of how some people live a daily life because they literally just seek ungodly amounts of attention for what should be nothing. I’ve come to the realization of my life that I need to learn me. People try telling me who I am but they have to realize they can’t predetermine who I am for the lack of my capability of knowing myself. I prefer being one, just me myself, and I. I have a few friends who get me, even my own parents question part of my thoughts and beliefs on life. Little do I know my life could be a dream of the reality of I’m becoming rather than stepping forward in my future. Love to me is a four letter word, a long with life. What’s rather pathetic is how society twists the mind the believe its other people messing with your head when really it’s yourself.


The guy to change it all <3

31 Jul

It’s funny how the mind can change your perspective on things, such as relationships. I myself was the one who would talk to a guy for two weeks then ignore his texts and all contact with him. Until the day I met a guy who changed my perspective on the world. It’s been two months of continuos talking, everyday. There was a point to where I had felt it was going nowhere so I had put an end to what we had. He continued to talk to me until he told me he still had feelings for me and wanted to try and make things work. Right there had shown not only was he actually serious that during the week I was hoping to receive a text. He has shown me my talents are more than what I thought they were and that I’m stronger and a much better person than I see when I look in the mirror. The day I first saw him I instantly felt a connection. He has shown me that I can trust him and rely on him, he’s the guy I know that if I need to fall back on him I can and he’ll catch me. He is the guy that opened my heart with a key that was lost. ❤

Love & relationships. The confusion of it all.

22 May

We all come to that point in life when we believe having a significant will make us complete. We think having our best friend would make it a great relationship, I believed that too. I still do. I’m so lost on the fact how girls usually want the bad boys over the nice guys. I’ve missed out on a hell of a guy do to me being absolutely blind to it all. I know they say everyone has that one person out there for you but I can only believe that to a certain extent. I suck at relationships by messing everything up by being to awkward or to comfortable, to shy, to outgoing. It’s like a never ending cycle of screw ups. I just don’t understand.


Best friends will always do stupid things with you.

20 Apr


She is a friend that I can not to to for weeks or longer and we can leave off right where we started. I love her to pieces.


19 Apr

Growing up people typically do or occasionally don’t want a relationship.
I myself thrived for one thinking my prince would sweep me off my feet and treat me like a princess. Now if a guy calls me princess I punch him as hard as I can.
Point being. It was a dream, a goal, a need, and well obviously a want. Who didn’t want to have that special person to call there own. Now I want to puke in my mouth thinking about having a “thing” attached to my hip being considered another half. Like ew. Secretly at the same time I want a boyfriend but only if he’s the independent, not up my butt all the time, and gives me my personal time kinda guy. But I of course have no luck. Am I looking to hard? Is it me and my sarcastic ways?
I always wonder what guys think when they see me. I feel like when I look good the think I look decent and well when I look bad I think they agree. But I really wish I could read there minds. Then again I don’t.
I fall for the wrong guy as I hear many guy friends tell me they fall for the wrong girl. Who doesn’t. I think we all have that lightbulb moment in a relationship when we think to ourself “oh my god I’m with him, what am I thinking?” Or you know the cheesy “I’m so happy I found you, I love you.”
What is a good relationship? Being best friends them dating? All of these questions but so many different answers. It’s like a puzzle of feelings. Each day you feel a certain way until after so long you have enough pieces to put your picture together. Am I right?
Real happiness in relationships come within not with the outside.